


Yastgutdwiiys

by redbluezero



Category: Sword Art Online (Anime & Manga), ソードアート・オンライン - 川原礫 | Sword Art Online - Kawahara Reki
Genre: Pranks and Practical Jokes, shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:16:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25392232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redbluezero/pseuds/redbluezero
Summary: By complete chance, Shino manages to log into Gabriel’s GGO account and decides to fuck around with it for a bit.
Kudos: 8





	Yastgutdwiiys

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this Tweet by the author of SAO himself about Gabriel’s GGO account password: https://twitter.com/kunori/status/1284715824985419777?s=20

Shino didn’t have the slightest clue about doxxing or hacking. She wanted to work in law enforcement when she was older, so doing either of those things was against all of her morals. But morals didn’t apply when it came to an asshole named Subtilizer. The only thing that mattered was Shino’s pure, unbridled rage.

Only two days had passed since the fourth Bullet of Bullets tournament, so her defeat was still fresh in her mind. She couldn’t think about anything other than the bitter sting of loss… and the haunting sense of fear. Just when she thought that she was getting better, that dipshit had to choke her out. Being that close to him gave her the urge to crawl out of her skin. It made her feel as if she was… full of bugs or something. He even whispered something in English that sounded like it was ripped from a piece of “dark academia”. Shino wanted revenge for that.

It’d started out as a joke, she told herself. She’d decided to log out of her Sinon account and try to log back in as Subtilizer. It was a lazy night and she was bored, so it was worth a shot. She put on her AmuSphere and did just that… but after the first fifteen times, she’d become dead set on actually cracking the account. Each error message taunted her, no, _challenged_ her to figure it out.

“What the fuck is his problem?!” she yelled as she jammed random letters into the password box. She was met with a “login denied” message every few seconds, accompanied by two low beeps, but she swiped those away almost as fast as she typed new combinations. She entered keysmash after keysmash, none of them right, but she didn’t care. At the very least, all of the random attempts would blow up Subtilizer’s email with security alerts.

“But that’s not enough… This is getting me nowhere,” Shino grumbled and pressed her index finger to her right temple. Spamming the account was a waste of time in the long run. If she was truly serious about hacking into it, she needed to stop and _think_ for a second. What would someone like Subtilizer set as his password?

Shino thought back to what he said to her during their battle. Assuming that she’d heard him correctly, she was pretty sure he’d said “Your soul will be so sweet.” Something about it sounded familiar, a little _too_ familiar. Perhaps she was right to think that it sounded like something out of a book, just not from the joke of a genre she’d originally assumed… 

“No way. It’s from _Legends of Toh Hagin_ , isn’t it?” Shino muttered to herself with a sly grin. The quote wasn’t _exactly_ from her favorite book series as a child, but it had a similar vibe to one of the speeches the main villain made. She thought back to the particular scene, fishing for a quote. If anything were to be Subtilizer’s password, it would be that.

“You aren't supposed to give up the demon who is in your soul… That’s a pretty famous line,” Shino mumbled. She managed to type it in English, since she was the sort of pretentious person to own all the _Toh Hagin_ books in both its original language _and_ the one she spoke, but noticed that she’d reached the character limit before finishing the quote. She quickly hit backspace and decided to abbreviate it instead.

“Yastgutdwiiys… That’s what it’d be, right?” Shino muttered. Before she could double check the password, her finger slipped and hit enter. She expected another error message, but it never came. Instead, she felt a familiar floating sensation… and found herself in SBC Glocken once again.

“Holy shit, that actually worked?” she exclaimed, dumbfounded. The voice that said it wasn’t high pitched like Sinon’s, though. It was a deep, coarse voice. Startled by the dissonance, Shino quickly looked down at her avatar’s outfit. She was dressed in a black turtleneck with a gray vest on top rather than a revealing sniper’s jacket. Her pants and shoes were black, too. The outfit was similar to something that Kazuto would wear, which bugged her, but she had no time to worry about him. She ran to the closest shop in sight and looked at her reflection in its window.

Staring right back at Shino, with short blond hair and bright blue eyes, was none other than Subtilizer. Unattractive, obnoxious, insulting Subtilizer.

“LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOO!” Shino yelled in the middle of the street. The few players that heard her as they passed by gave disapproving glances, but she couldn’t care less. She had accomplished her goal of hacking into Subtilizer’s account. She could do anything she wanted with it and he couldn’t stop her!

Wait, maybe he could.

Shino opened up the menu with her right hand. She tapped on the personal information tab, re-entered the idiotic password, and loaded up Subtilizer’s personal information. She wasn’t going to doxx him or anything— she looked away when his real name came up— she just needed his timezone… which was listed as PST. It was 19:00 for her, which meant that it was 3:00 for Subtilizer. Assuming that he had a normal sleep schedule and hadn’t already been woken up by dozens of email notification sounds, Shino had about three hours before he noticed the “you have a new log-in from Japan” email in his inbox. That was _plenty_ of time for her to mess around.

Shino was brought up well, so she promised herself that she would not do anything drastic. She’d just waste a few of his credits, that’s it! With that limit in mind, Shino stepped into the store whose window she’d used as a mirror. The shopkeeper greeted her with a “Welcome, sir!”, which caught her off guard, but she was too psyched to care. The first thing she noticed upon walking in was a flickering pink “New Imports!” sign on top of a clothing rack in the front. She ran over to it and immediately saw the _ugliest_ jacket of all time.

“A perfect place to start,” she whispered giddily to herself. The jacket in question was made out of velvet and had a bright orange leopard print pattern haphazardly pasted all over it. She tapped the “Purchase” button and equipped it. She then looked in the mirror on the wall and burst out laughing— the once stoic Subtilizer looked like an idiot! Suddenly, he wasn’t so scary anymore.

Shino continued perusing the store. The clothes _had_ to be gag items, she concluded, since they were all _so_ terrible. There were bright red bell bottoms with actual bells attached to the belt. She bought and equipped those, too. There was a green, beat up fez in the back. She’d never tapped the “Accept” button so fast in her life before.

Feeling content, Shino walked out of the store in Subtilizer’s avatar looking like a clown. She got even more weird stares than when she’d first logged in and she _loved_ it. It meant that her plan was working. She strolled down the streets of Glocken, feeling even more like a star than she did while playing as famed sniper Sinon, and made her way to the weapons shop. She knew _exactly_ what she was going to buy from there.

“Excuse me, shopkeeper? Can I buy a photon sword in every color?” Shino asked with a tone far too polite for the gruff Subtilizer. NPCs couldn’t pick up on those sorts of differences, though, so she was safe. A menu popped up, showing Shino the cost of her grand purchase. She rubbed her hands in excitement and was about to go through with the purchase when she noticed the footnote at the bottom: “You do not have enough credits.”

Shino groaned. She was _so_ close to giving Subtilizer a rainbow of lightsabers, but she’d wasted his credits a little _too_ well. She either had to make some money playing, which she was _not_ going to do on a stolen account, or sell something in Subtilizer’s inventory, which felt equally wrong. Shino was about to walk away in defeat when she remembered something.

The knife. Subtilizer had defeated her with his bare hands, but he’d also lodged a single knife into her arm. She didn’t want that to happen ever again, and while she couldn’t cut off Subtilizer’s hands… she _could_ get rid of his sub weapon.

Before Shino had the chance to think rationally, she found the blade in the inventory and hit the “Sell” button. With the extra credits from that transaction, she was able to buy the last photon sword she needed to complete Subtilizer’s new collection. She giggled to herself as she scrolled through the new and improved inventory, made up of mostly Kagemitsu G4s.

“Mission complete!” Shino exclaimed. She then changed menus from inventory to status and logged out before anyone noticed a thing. She’d successfully gotten her sweet, sweet revenge.

Some time later, some place in California, a man named Gabriel Miller checked his email… and _didn’t_ change any of his passwords. Instead, he quietly whispered to himself,

“What a brat. Now I’m _really_ set on stealing your soul.”


End file.
